Crocodile's Music Video
by Beanstalks
Summary: After their defeat at the hands of the Strawhats, what's left of Baroque Works get together in their latest money-making idea: Crocodile's rapping career. Of course, everybody knows that Baroque Works can't have nice things.
1. Prologue

_Dear, Mom and Dad,_

_I lost to this swordsman recently. I tried so hard, yet I failed..._

_I just need to try harder!_

_Love,_

_Daz Bones_

_**Yeah, I totally jacked this letter's idea from **_**Letters To An Absent Father**_**, this Pokemon mini-comic by mareodomo.**_

"So I finished watching the Baby-Sitters Club movie," Mr. 1 was telling Miss Valentine over chocolate.

"So what did you think?" Miss Valentine asked.

"Disappointing, really. I was half-expecting Kristy to execute Karen and by decapitation for her insolence."

"Insulin? Stacey is the one with diabetes, not Karen."

"But Claudia dressed all nice. Like how I used to dress before Dad beat me with a belt while wearing a Goofy mask."

"You told me that before."

"Oh."

"Whatever happened to that tutu?"

Sir Crocodile entered the room, what was left of their destroyed headquarters.

He said, "The water has destroyed the halls, and by gators were chased away by seven ducks and a camel. I was defeated by a rubber man, and the police are coming. Any bright ideas on what we should do?"

"Uh, gather our reserves and use the _other _base?" Mr. 1 suggested sarcastically.

"What other base?"

"The one you built as a back-up because it would be rather easy for Revolutionaries and the World Government to topple us?"

"Oh...right."

"Who do we have left?" Miss Valentine asked.

"Ah, you, me, Mr. Whine over there, and Mr. 4 and Merry Christmas."

"And...?"

"And what? That's it! Everyone's been defeated by those meddling Strawhats."

"Even you?" Mr. 1 asked incredulously.

Crocodile pointed his hook at him and said, "You...shut up. Now, kiddies, let's go to our base and gather our thoughts."

"We're going to need money..."

Crocodile hook-slapped Mr. 1 across the face.

"I agree, Mr. 1," Crocodile said.


	2. Chapter 1: Mr Prince

Baroque Works' secret underground base, somewhere in Alabasta...

Sir Crocodile, Miss Doublefinger, Mr. 1, Miss Valentine, Mr. 5, Mr. 4, Miss Merry Christmas, Lassou, Miss All Sunday, Mr. 45.7 and his partner, Miss Bon Clay, were sitting iaround the large oval table.

"So glad you others found your way home," Crocodile said everyone. "I thought many of you perished."

"Oh, I really _hate _that Sanji!" Mr. 45.7 (Real name Bentham) declared. "We need to get revenge on the pirates who beat us!"

"I _told _you you should have become an Okama!" Miss Bon Clay screeched at him. "Imagine the Kenpo you could have learned!"

"Yes, dear, I'm sorry, dear."

"That's right!"

Crocodile slammed his hook into the table, silencing eveyone.

"Idiots," he growled. "Whatever money we had is gone, aside from some of the dirty movie money."

"I told you never to mention that," Miss All Sunday growled. "And I can't believe so very few people actually bought it. I mean, look at me!"

"Shut up. I have a plan to not only make up our funds, but also get back at the man who was responsible for this chaos."

"Whoooooooooooooooo?" Mr. 4 asked. Lassou barked.

"That ingenious man without a face, Mr. Prince!"

"...?" everybody asked.

"I will use my unsurpassable music skills to sell thousands, _millions_ of record-Snails, to which we will use our funds to rebuild Baroque Works and hunt down Mr. Prince!"

"..."

"I think that's a bad idea," Mr. 45.7 said. "We already lost so much as it is, who should we-"

Miss Bon Clay raised her hand, causing Mr. 45.7 to pipe up fearfully. "No way," she said. "I'm behind you, Mr. 0, one-hundred percent!"

"Excellent," Crocodile said casually. "Come, we must set up the cameras and set up for my music video. I'll be in my dressing room. Miss All Sunday, come, we must apply my make-up."


	3. Chapter 2: Not Dogging the Set

**Author's Note: Okay, for those who are confused, Mr. 45.7 is Mr. 2, and Miss Bon Clay is his hypothetical partner. **

"Nobody understands me," Crocodile sighed as Miss All Sunday powered his face.

"Oh?" Miss All Sunday asked. "Really? And why is that?"

"Nobody understands all the hard work I do, my generosity, how much planning it took to create Baroque Works. Not to mention coming up with the name."

Miss All Sunday said nothing. Instead, Miss All Sunday washed his hair and formed it into a ponytail using a scrunchie.

"How do I look?" Crocodile asked her.

"Almost done," Miss All Sunday responded.

"You know, a every famous superstar needs some arm candy."

"Do you want your nails manicured, too?"

"Yes. So, as I was saying..."

Miss All Sunday sprouted two hars and hands to give Crocodile a manicure. She then went down and gave him a pedicure.

"Why do you want a pedicure?" she asked him. "We're not going to even focus at your feet, are we? And wouldn't you be wearing footwear?"

"That's not the point, baby."

"What did you call me?"

"I was thinking that..you know..."

"I know...what?"  
"That we start dating! I ned some smoking arm candy for a bit, then we can break up when I hit it big. Break up, if you want to, that is..."

"I'm seeing someone."

Crocodile's eyes opened wide. His mouth dropped. "What?" he roared. "Who?"

"Miss Valentine. I am dating Miss Valentine. We hope to open a chocolate shop in the future together. And no, I am not interested in being your arm candy."

Crocodile can his hand on his face, then moaned. "Argh!" he moaned. "The only two girls and they're not interested...in a _stud _like me."

"What about Miss Bon Clay and Miss Merry Christmas?"

"The only two _beautiful_ girls and they're not interested."

Estimated two hours later, Crocodile was done. He stepped out of his "dressing room" (really, just his room) and headed into the "recording studio" (really, a sound booth, a blue screen, lights, cameras, a fog machine, a few microphones and some music-based software on their computer, and Vegepunk Movie Maker. Basically, stuff they were planning to use for celebrations once they got Pluton.)

Miss Merry Christmas, Mr. 4 and Lassou, meanwhile, were just finishing the work on Crocodile's costumes in Miss Merry Christmas's room.

"Alright," Miss Merry Christmas said. "These pants should fit Mr. 0's measurments."

"You have his measurements?" Mr. 4 asked slowly.

Lassou barked.

"Yes."

"How-"

"And his top clothes are finished. All we need are the shoes.

Lassou barked and shot two crocs at the wall. They imbedded themselves into the wall, where Miss Merry Christmas dug them out with her claws.

"Good boy," Mr. 4 told the good dog.

"Yeah, great," Miss Merry Christmas said sarcastically. "Wait, you cleaned them? But how?"

Lassou barked.

"Nice. Now, uh, did you expand the, er...frontal area of the pants?"  
"Er," Mr. 4 face turned redder than a tomato. "Yes. Please don't remind me, I do not want to think about it again!"

"Grow up, celebrities always...augment their pants or shirts to make themselves look..."

"Important...I feel dirty."

"Me too. Let's never speak of this again."


	4. Chapter 3: Plot Happens

Miss Merry Christmas and Mr. 4 decided to avoid the set. Instead, they wrapped Crocodile's costume and shoes in a box and had Miss Doublefinger deliver it to Crocodile.

Crocodile went to the washroom to change. When he came out, he was wearing a black-and-gray pinstripe dress shirt with a long, black leather coat, long-legged black leather pants, leather crocs, leather socks, underwear and undershirt, and leather cigars, leather biker clothes and a leather chain with several spikes around his neck.

There was more leather on his body than on all of the cast of The Matrix combined.

Surprisingly, he was able to move swiftly to the set, where Miss Doublefinger stood in the middle of the room.

She was wearing an all-black version of her normal clothing (ie, weird and revealing). She said, "Ready to go, sugar?"

He put if hook around her wait and kissed her on the lips, making sure the cameras were watching.

"Ready, arm candy," he said. "And if the press ask..."

"We 'fell in love' on the set."

Miss Bon Clay hovered over a cowering Mr. 45.7. She raised her hand. In fear, Mr. 45.7 let out a whine and held the microphone in his hand higher, then turned on a few stage lights.

Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine manned the computer. Mr. 5 was playing a game on his VDS (Vegepunk Dual Screens.)

Soon the filming was underway. Everybody but Miss Merry Christmas and Mr. 4 were in the room, and everybody but Crocodile and his back-up dancers (Miss All Sunday and Miss Doublefinger) were working behind the camera.

The fog kicked in. The spotlight was on Crocodile (or, Croco D. Ile, losers!).He held up a microphone to his face and pushed his two cigars to corner of his mouth. The music started to play.

And so would begin Crocodile's music video.

Or not.

"Hole...!" Mr. 5 exclaimed. "I just spotted a shiny Pidgey!"

"A what?" Miss Valentine screeched. "Now's not the time to play your games!"

She grabbed the game from his hands ("Yoink!") and added quite a bit of weight to it with her Devil Fruit powers. It was pressured into tiny bits.

"I didn't know you could do that," Miss All Sunday said wistfully. "I have a few _fun ideas _we could do with that."

Mr. 5 was so furious he delivered a fiery punch to Miss Valentine's face. She was then thrust into a wall.

Miss All Sunday was quick to respond: many, many of her hands enveloped Mr. 5's body. Some hands wrapped around his neck and tightened their grip. Tighter, tighter...

"Stop this racket!" Croco D. Ile roared. "You are ruining my song!"

He took precious little time to leap towards the three and push Miss All Sunday and Mr. 5 away forcefully.

Miss All Sunday's charred hands vanished. Her own hands were now horribly burned.

Miss Valentine struggled to get up, her face and body now injured beyond repair. Her face was horribly swollen and burned in several places.

She was disfigured.  
"You hurt her!" Miss All Sunday screeched. She wasn't trying to be stoic anymore. "How unbelievable monster!"

"She made me lose a shiny!" Mr. 5 snapped at her. "Do you know _how _rare it is to find a shiny anything in this game?"

"Shut up, all of you!" Croco roared. "I have no qualms with jabbing you with my hook, so you all better _shut your yaps _and get back to workin'."

An ethereal glow filled the room quickly. It had no recognizable color, because this color was never before seen by human eyes, and was so beautiful that prolonged view would cause one to drop down and cry at its very beauty. It was a color they no one could ever fully grasp, and those in the room were absorbed too quickly by it to see it.

Croco, Miss All Sunday, Mr. 5, Miss Valentine, Miss Doublefinger, Lassou, Mr. 45.7, Miss Bon Clay and Mr. 1 vanished from the room in the blink of an eye.


	5. Chapter 4: Mary Poppins Destroys Society

Our nine heroes found themselves in the desert. Where in the desert, they didn't know. What desert exactly, they didn't know either. For all they knew. they weren't even on the same planet.

"Where are we?" Miss Valentine asked, cradling her burned hands.

"The desert, looks like is," Miss Valentine responded, trying to hold back her tears. "But where?"

"This looks like a good background," Coco commented. He looked at the microphone still in his hands. "Mr. 5, Miss Valentine, nice work."

"Huh?"

"You can do a lot of things with computers, huh? Vegepunk's a genius."

"And light, sir," Mr. 45.7 said meekly. "I...uh, _we _really made the place look bigger and realistic, no?"

"What are you doing?" Miss Bon Clay hissed at him."

"Making ourselves look good," Mr. 45.7 whispered back. "Let him think this is a set and these are all effects. We just figure out how to get things back to the way they were before and take all the credit for our 'hard work.'"

She gave him an almost back-breaking hug. "By Pluton, you're a genius!"

There was a flash.

Now our nine heroes found themselves above a dark and foreboding island. An "island" that had been converted into a very large boat.

They shivered at the sight.

"I heard of this place," Mr. 5 said. "Supposedly, this is the world's largest ship. I wonder what it's called, though?"

"And it could be ours," Croco said, "if it wasn't an _illusion_, you idiot. I want the illusion of the destroyed remnant of a land, to show that I mean business."

"Well, we could destroy this place for your background," Mr. 1 said sarcastically.

"Whatever, you do that."

"Wait, I wasn't actually _serious_-"

"Wait, is this Pluton?"

The other eight turned to Croco D. Ile in confusion.

Another flash, and they were on the island.

"As I was saying," Croco went on, "our super-weapon could possibly be a giant warship, correct."

"According to the Poneglyphs, yes," Miss All Sunday confirmed. "It might be."

"And this is a giant ship. Ergo, this could be our ship! Or at least a close copy."

"You have a point."

Miss Valentine gave Miss All Sunday a tight hug and cried, "Oh, honey! You're one step closer to your goal, aren't you?"

She then gave Miss All Sunday a kiss on the cheek, much to Croco D. Ile's chagrin.

Croco responded by gripping Miss Doublefinger, a move that caused her to accidentally Toge-Toge stab him in hthe arm in surprise.

"You're luckyt that didn't hurt my sand body," he growled at her.

"Sorry!" she said. "You just surprised me, is all."

"Fine." Croco pointed his hook at Miss Valentine. "You, Mary Poppins, go fly around and try to learn where we are, alright?"

"We're on Thriller Bark," Miss All Sunday informed him.

"And how do _you_ know this?"

"Because it's written on the sails just above us."

The other eight looked up at the enormous mast and sails above them. Indeed, "Thriller Bark" was written on the sails.

"When you're concentrating on one thing," she went on, "it becomes easy to miss everything else. For example, you might be too busy reading ancient writing to notice a horrrible, ugly old man come at you with a hook."

"That's not how it happened," Croco growled. "Remember? _You_ betrayed _me_."

"How dare you call her a traitor!" Miss All Sunday cried out. She stomped her foot angrily.

A stitched-up, unearthly large teddy bear ran past them in fright.


	6. Chapter 5: Parasols Are Not WaterProof

Curiously, our ensemble team of misfits followed the bear.

The bear stopped in a garden. He ran towards a pink-haired girl, who seemed to be just standing there, basking in nature.

The girl was holding a pink umbrella and had a matching pink shawl and pink-black-red-and-white ensemble. She had a crown on her head, and her hair was put into two high pigtails.

"Hello, Kumashi," she said to the bear.

The bear was about to speak when she put her hand over his mouth and growled at him.

"Hello, girlie," Croco said to her. "Are your mommy and daddy home?"

"And _who _are you?" she said with malice in her voice.

"_Bella_, I'm Croco D. Ile, the next musical sensation to hit the big screen. I suppose you might want an autograph."

"...I never heard of you before."

"That's because I haven't hit it big yet, of course! But you might have heard of Baroque Works, no?"

"Nope, never heard of that thingie-ma-bob before."

"_Ragazza sciocca!_ Maybe you've been spending too much time on this island, playing with your teddy. Go out and read a newspaper."

"I don't like the tone of your voice!"

"Sir, I don't think it's a good idea to antagonize the islander," Miss All Sunday said to Croco.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because she could find us a person who can get us back to our base."

"And back to your video!" Mr. 45.7 added.

Miss Bon Clay told him not to speak out of terms again. She then kicked him in the back.

"Stop the violence, please!" Mr. 1 begged her.

"What for?" Croco said to Miss All Sunday. "I say we just take over Thriller Bark and make it our new base."

"I thought you thought this place was an illusion?" Miss Valentine pointed out.

"It is, _obviously_. How else would you explain it?"

"Good point."

"It's also a _simulation_, a game from the computer. We conquer it and reshape the world in our image. If this program is of Pluton, and we destroy it, it _would be the coolest video background ever_."

"I think he suffered brain damage during his fight with the Strawhat kid," Mr. 5 muttered.

"No! Excuse me for not getting to involved with this game as you all are."

"Enough!" the girl screeched. "I am Perona, the Ghost Princess! If you do not treat me with the respect and servitude one such as myself deserves, I will be forced to do away with you."

"_'Servitude?'_" Mr. 5 repeated in disgust. "What a pretentious little girl."

"I'll say," Croco said. "Alright, little girl; I'll treat you with the respect you deserve."

"Thank you," the girl said. "Now, I command you all to follow me, where you can-"

Croco took off his hook and revealed his _other _hook. He lunged at Perona, who seemed unfazed.

Then Croco collapsed on the floor and whimpered.

"Horohorohorohoro!" the girl laughed wickedly. "How do you like my _Negative Hollow_?"

"I...don't like it!" he seethed.

"His will has been drained," she informed the crew. "Just making sure he's kept in line."

"...!"

"As I was saying, you can meet our boss, Gecko Moria."

"Moria?" Croco gasped. "This p-p-p-program is getting personal...Let's...let's...who cares?"

After Croco recovered and put his hook back on, our nine heroes followed Perona and her bear inside.

They followed her into a large room filled with stuffed animals.

"What is this place?" Mr. 5 asked. "Doesn't look like a place where a captain would hang out."

"I dunno," Miss Valentine said to him. "_Gecko Moria _sounds like a girl's name. Moria, Moria..."

"That's _Moira_ you're thinking about."

"This is my room," Perona told them. She floated across the room and put her hands on the wall.

She went on, "You will all be my servants."

"And what if we refuse?" Croco asked Perona, waving his hook at her contemptuously.

"We're a little busy, Princess Perona," Miss All Sunday told her.

"Too bad," Perona said simply. "Because the room below mine is filled with deadly traps to, how should I put this? _Wipe you all of the face of the earth_."

She ripped the paper off a small section of the wall, revealing a purple button with a black skull painted on it.

"This is fun," she said wickedly.

She pressed the button, and the floor opened up. They fell down, screaming and fearing their deaths below.

"Too bad," Perona said to herself. "Kumashi, rebuild the floor! I'm going to need to find some more play-mates to serve me."

"You forgot something," a voice above her crooned.

She looked up to see a woman in yellow above her. She was holding a yellow parasol, which was open and held above her head.

"You forgot me!" Miss Valentine yelled at her. A triumphant smirk spread across her swollen face.

Perona opened her umbrella and started floating closer. "Very fun," Perona said wickedly. "Umbrella vs. Parasol. If you lose, you become my servant and play-mate forever."

"And if I win, you release my girlfriend and coworkers."

"If they're still alive!"

And two cried out and flew towards eachother.


	7. Chapter 6: My Perona

Miss Valentine was first to move: she pulled out a small, wrapped chocolate from under her hat, unwrapped it, and hurled it at Perona.

Perona dodged, then threw four miniature ghost-like beings at Miss Valentine.

She snapped her fingers. The ghosts exploded and Miss Valentine screeched in surprise.

She was falling.

She was falling down, struggling to get control. She was falling and would fall down the hole that engulfed half the room.

The hole the others fell in.

The hole her love fell in.

Perhaps she should join her? In death?

_No! _She will save them all, or die trying. She could always meet them on the other side.

Miss Valentine regained control and lifted herself over Perona.

"_10,000 Kilo Guillotine_!" Miss Valentine screeched. She dropped down, aiming her feet at Perona's neck.

She struck Perona in the neck successfully.

Miss Valentine floated up and smirked. But her smirk faded as Perona's limp body quickly vanished.

Perona was now looking into the room from a window. She was outside. She was gigantic.

Her hand fazed through the window easily and went after a panicking Miss Valentine.

She struggled to dodge. Miss Valentine sent her heavy body through another window, causing it to shatter. She then escaped outside.

She hovered above the castle. She could see Perona, feet firmly planted in the garden below, giant as all get-out.

"You broke my window!" the giant girl roared. "Now Kumashi will have to fix _that_, too!"

Miss Valentine's vision was blurring. Her left eye was swelling over, she was losing vision for that eye.

"_Negative Horo_!"

A regular-sized ghost glided through Miss Valentine's body.

Miss Valentine dropped gently to the top of the roof and curled up.

"No...!" she gasped. She started to cry. The tears felt warm on her swollen and burned face.

"You cannot win!" the giant Perona bellowed. She raised a fist over Miss Valentine. "Any last words?"

"I...I LOVE HER!"

"Wait, what?"

Miss Valentine, to Perona's horror, slowly, slowly managed to rise up and look at her enemy in contempt.

"What's this?" Perona gasped. "I drained the will right out of you!"

"I'm fighting for love!" Miss Valentine screeched like a banshee. "Have you ever dealt with anyone who fought for anyone but themselves? Anyone who had a mission to save someone they cared for so much, and not to defeat you? I want to save my love, I'm just battling you so you can help me save her."

"What is this sentimental lovey-dovey garbage? It means nothing to me! It was fun playing, and I was hoping to keep you alive as a servant, but now it's time for you to die."

"I'm giving you one chance," Miss Valentine said as she floated off the roof and into the garden. "Help me save my love...and those other people. Let love show you the way to friendship and kindness. And love, of course."

"You bleeding heart! You'd make a really ugly zombie, with a face like that!"

Miss Valentine gasped. A low blow!

Wait, _a low blow_!

Miss Valentine sent her 10,000 kilo body down at Perona's feet.

"If I remember my fourth grade geology-metrics," Miss Valentine said, "the weak point for any watchamacallit is _always_ the base."

Perona started punching at Valentine, who would swing and dodge each giant fist.

"You cannot win!" Perona screeched.

"And I attack the weak point for massive damage!"  
The giant Perona quickly vanished, revealing a regular-sized Perona at the feet. Perona looked at the incoming Miss Valentine and started to run.

Miss Valentine hit her at full force anyway.

Miss Valentine rose up and said triumphantly, "I did it! Now, Perona, you must help me save...Perona?"

Perona was now lying on the ground. She wasn't moving.

"Well, _that _backfired. My head huuuuuurts. Being in love is tough! And so is fighting. Screw all of this, Perona was right about having other people work _for _you."

And with that, Miss Valentine vowed to herself to never work hard again. She was in it for herself now, and love would way her own survival down.

She floated away from the scene, thinking, _No more love or fighting! No more Baroque Works, no more risking my life! No more Thriller Bark, I'm eating a thousand kilos of chocolate and never looking back at this horrible place._


	8. Chapter 7 Or is it?

Miss Valentine floated over Thriller Bark, hoping to find a candy shop.

Meanwhile, our eight other heroes were falling.

Croco saved himself by making a net of sand to block his fall. Others just happened to be saved by it.

Miss All Sunday saved herself, Lassou and Miss Doublefinger by making a rope of hands and hurling themselves into Croco's net.

"Wonderful, we're alive," Croco said sarcastically. "Now what do we do?"

"Go up?" Miss All Sunday retorted. "So we can avoid the traps?"

"Sarcasm, real _helpful _right now."

"You're one to talk, Mr. Grumpy."

"Guys, _enough!_" Miss Doublefinger scolded them. "Now's not the time to fi...Mr. Grumpy?"  
Miss All Sunday shrugged.

Mr. 5 plucked a hair off his head and lay it on the rough stone walls.

"Sir, shields up," he told them.

Croco spread shields of sand around the others while the hair made a small explosion.

Mr. 5 spat into the hole made by the explosion, causing a bigger explosion and making a hole big enough for all of them to climb into.

"I'll make a tunnel," Mr. 5 told them. "It'll lead us out of here."

"Hey, where's Miss Valentine?" Miss All Sunday asked.

"Indiana Jones is right," Croco commented as Mr. 5 created his tunnel. "Where _is_ Mary Poppins?"

Lassou barked.

They followed Mr. 5 down his tunnel.

Of course, a tunnel like that wouldn't be able to stand without proper support, to it fell apart and revealed another room.

"How convenient," Mr. 45.7 commented. "Poor writing and convenient plot device to the rescue."

Miss Bon Clay slapped him and said, "What are you, a critic? Now help me out of this tunnel!"

So our heroes dug themselves out and walked around the room.

Mahogany doors opened and a large man and a small woman appeared before them.

"Oh-ho!" the man commented. "What have we here, Cindry?"

"I don't know," the woman, Cindry, responded. "I say we have some volunteers for that experiment you were talking about, Dr. Hogback."

"Excellent! I command you to do away with them!"  
"Right away, good Doctor."

Dr. Hogback opened his dark labcoat, revealing several square plates. He handed them to Cindry, who furiously hurled them at the 'volunteers.'

Miss Bon Clay managed to fend them of, barring the wounds the received. Mr. 45. 7 meekly bandaged them once the plate-throwing finished.

"About time!" Miss Bon Clay screeched at him.

"Cindry, on your knees!" Dr. Hogback announced. He climbed on her back and said proudly, "I am Dr. Hogback, the world's most brilliant doctor. Allow me to show you the talent of my work, will you?"

Hogback jumped on Cindry and skipped gleefully over to a painting of a pinkish monster.

"I helped build this, you know," Hogback commented. "Oz, Oars, what have you. Gacko Moria took all the credit, but you can my work with Cindry here is proof that I was the true creator. Aren't I a delicious talent."

"Scripting problems," Croc said. "I heard about this guy being a large and vain ham, but not a performer. Can't you idiots program anything right?"

Mr. 5 said, "I can't believe you still think this is a program!"

"Cindry, lick the floor!" Hogback commented. "Look, you guys, as I excersice my complete control over her."

Cindry proceeded to lick the floor. Hogback kicked her in the ribs, but shedidn't relent.

"Such horrible abuse!" Mr. 45. 7 cried out.

"Yes, but that just shows how much control I have over my precious creations."

"I approve!" Miss Bon Clay added. "But only i the girl was in charge. Men are scum, you see, and us women should-"

"Oh, shut up!" Mr. 45.7 yelled at her. "I'm tired of being bossed around by you! I'm tired of being the manly man you wanted by to be! I'm tired of you oppressing me!"

Mr. 45.7 took a jump to the left, a step to the right, and kicked Bon Clay's legs, causing her to drop down.

He dug into her pockets and applied her make-up on his face. "Okama," he said simply. "I don't know the Okama Way myself, but I can try to fight them."

He turned to Hogback and said, "Abuse is wrong! Man or woman, it's still wrong! In fact, in a perfect world, there are no men or women! Just..._Okama!_"

"The president?" Croco asked.

"No! Transvestite power!"

And with that, Mr. 45.7 danced over to Hogback and Cindry and kicked their shins. They fell over and whimpered.

"You know what? Forget this," Miss All Sunday said. "Come on, guys, let's just pretend the antagonist and his engineered zombie _weren't_ so easily defeated by this cop-out and let's go home."

Hogback and Cindry rose immediately.

"You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?" Hogback cackled. "We have a speech about abuse, we get one-shotted, that's it? How stupid do you think we are?"

"But speeches with a moral lesson _always_work in anime!" Mr. 1 gasped. "The second season of Digimon had the heroes defeat the bad guy by talking about their hopes and dreams; Yu-Gi-Oh! had that friendship stuff-"

"None of this makes sense," Miss All Sunday commented. "Anime references, one-shot enemies and..."

"You're right," Hogback said to her. "But if you want, I can tell you about the Truth and where all the Poneglyphs are...Join me, and I will tell you!"

"Robin," Croco announced. "Don't let him trick you! I love you!"  
Everyone gasped.

"I love you too!" Mr. 1 said. "We all do! We're friends! Now let's forget all our problems and get back to the music video."

"In fact, forget the video! Let's all look for your ancient thingies," Miss Bon Clay said. "Or at least, let's stop acting like brain-dead idiots and delve into intelligent, philosophical discussions about the fate of our countries."

"I _loooove_ world relations!" Mr. 45.7 screeched.

_What should I do? _Miss All Sunday wondered. _My dreams, my friends, Okama..._

"Marry me, Robin!" Croco announced. "Marry me, and we'll run away forever!"

"Stop this self-indulgent dreams, Robin," Lassou said. "Wake up, Robin, this isn't happening!"

"Let's have a dance party!" Cindry announced! "I'l get the bubbles!"

Everything around Miss All Sunday stopped moving. Darkness started filling up the world around her. She was all alone in the nothingness.

"Wake up..." Lassou's voice told her.

She woke up on an operating table.


	9. Chapter 7: The Real Chapter 7

"Where am I?" Miss All Sunday asked the doctor hovering above her.

"Ah, you're waking up," Hogback commented. "You and your crew-"

"Crew? Oh man, I had a horrible dream where I didn't join Luff's crew, and instead helped make Crocodile make a music video."

"Eh? Oh, yes, Crocodile is here, _Nico Robin_."

Croco stepped from the shadows, still clad in leather. He said, "Miss All Sunday."

"Croco D. Ile," she responded. "What's going on?"

"Oh, I gave the good doctor permission to operate on you guys."

"I promised to help him make his music video in exchange," Hogback cackled.

"Yes, he's a helpful program."

"You idiot!" Miss All Sunday screeched. "Where is everybody else?"

"Such insolence! Why are you all constantly undermining my authority?"

"Because you're an incompetent idiot. You were incompetent in leading Baroque Works and your ideas are idiotic. A movie? A dating service? Really?"

"Those ideas all got us money, didn't they?"

"You're an idiot, Crocodile."

"That's not my name any more, my make-up artist! I am Croco D. Ile, superstar."

Miss All Sunday sprouted a pair of hands that covered Hogback's face.

"What is this now?" he asked in confusion.

"Cut it out, Robin!" Croco commanded. "I need him to direct!"  
Another few hands sprouted above her and loosened her straps. She then lept off the table and delivered a swift kick to Hogback's head using thirty-five feet.

"Where are the others?" Robin asked of Croco.

"Behind you."

She turned to see the others also strapped down on operating tables, all unconscious.

She untied them all and let them slump back.

She could already tell they were operated upon.

Mr. 1 now sported a metal, spiked collar around his neck. Croco told her that Hogback added it to him as a shock collar, so he could serve as a living servant to him.

Mr. 5 wasn't as lucky: he had several stitches across his face. Croco told her that he was a zombie now, as he didn't survive the crash.

Miss Doublefinger didn't look that different, aside from a few bandages covering her torso. Croco told her that he had Hogback expand her breasts for his video.

Lassou probably had it the worst. Croco told her the gun on the table was Lassou, converted back into a regular gun.

She held the gun to her chest and silently mourned her fallen companion.

Mr. 45.7 was on the table. He was covered in make-up and dressed in strange clothing. Croco informed her that Hogback grafted make-up on him, then dressed him up to be an okama. Why? Croco thought it would be funny.

"And where is Miss Bon Clay?" Miss All Sunday demanded.

"I killed her!" Croco chuckled.

"No, really? Where is she?"

"I told you, I killed her. She id dead. She is not alive anymore. As in, she is not breathing."

"And _you _killed her?"

"Why is that so hard to believe? You actually don't believe I'm threatening? _Me_, the guy with the freakin' hook and scar across his handsome and make-up covered face?"

"But she was part of our organization! How could you?"

"Easy: I asked her to say, '_THIS IS MADNESS_!' And then I slashed her up and kicked her into another trap hole. And I was all, '_THIS IS SPARTA_!' I had to do it, it was the perfect opportunity to say that quote. I specifically asked Hogback to show me where I could find a trap hole _just_ so I could say that."

Miss All Sunday put Lassou in her pocket and turned to Croco. She said, "You're going too far. I put up a lot, but I think it's time we part ways."

"Heh. And you think I'll let you do that? We need each other to get out of this little simulation."

Mr. 1 was yawning.

"What's up?" he asked sleepily. "Why is my neck so stiff?"

Mr. 45.7 jumped up and yelped, "Good _mooooooorning_, world!"

"Hi, Mr. 45.7"

"Hello, Mr. 1! Hello, Miss All Sunday! Lovely leather, luscious Croco!"

"Have a nice nap?" Croco asked sadistically. "I killed your partner, by he way."

"Ha ha, good one, Sir! That was funnier than the time you put two dead swans in my bed."

"They were alive when I got them, it's just that I wasn't careful when I was handling them."

"Enough!" Miss All Sunday announced as Mr. 5 rose up from his table.

"What's up?" Mr. 5 asked. "Where's Miss Valentine?"

"I got a call from Perona's bear," Hogback muttered. He was still on the floor. "After a yellow woman defeated Perona, said yellow woman floated off and got stuck in a giant web, where our monkey=spider ate her."

"I _love_this game!" Croco cackled wickedly.

Mr. 1 and Mr. 45.7 looked frightened. They noticed their mutual fright and clung to eachother.

Miss Doublefinger groaned. Mr. 5 helped her stand up.

"That's it, come on, guys," Miss All Sunday announced. "Who here wants me to lead us out of here and back home?"

"Hey, hey, _hey_!" Croco snapped. "I'm still the leader around here!"

"Not any more. Now, everyone who wants to leave Crocodile and get out of Thriller Bark, follow me."

The crew lazily followed Miss All Sunday out the doors, leaving just Croco and Hogback in the room.

"I've been abandoned by my crew," Croco sighed. "Am I really a bad leader, Dr. Hogback?"

"I appear to have a concussion," Hogback responded.


	10. Chapter 8: Don't Stop, Robin!

**A/N: D: I'm running out of funny. But enjoy this, and prepare to learn the secret as to why all this is happening.**

Miss All Sunday was leading her new crew down the hallways of Hogback's mansion. She wasn't going by Miss All Sunday anymore, in fact, she was calling herself Nico Robin.

The crew, however, chose to use their numbered themes: Mr. 1 was still Mr. 1. Mr. 45.7, still draped in the arms of Mr. 1, was calling himself Mr. 2. Mr. 5 said he'd keep his number, because he knew he would never remember what comes after 2 since he had the surgery. Miss Doublefinger wanted to call herself Paula, but the guys told her straight up that they would be calling her Miss DoubleD's.

"Robin, I thought I might asked..." Mr. 2 began. "...Um, why are you blond?"

"I am?" Robin asked. She touched her hair and found it was cut and styled into a shorter, rounder style. The eyes she put on her hands showed that she was, indeed, blond.

"Looks like Dr. Hogback was trying to make me look like Cindry," she said. "What a weirdo."

"Who?"

"Cindry sounds scary," Mr. 1 said sadly. "That was the name of this dancer I saw once. During her performance I leaned in to get an autograph and she 'accidentally' kicked me in the face!"  
"That's scary!" Mr. 2 told him. "Hold me tighter!"  
The two gave eachother a tight hug and both said, "Let's be friends forever! An okama and a superhero, together as one!"

"Where's Lassou?" Miss DoubleD's asked them.

Robin patted the gun in her pocket and said, "There were complications."

And she left it at that.

A mysterious figure approached them. A man, draped in samurai-esque clothing. He held up a worn sword towards them.

"I am the samurai, Ryuuma," he told them. "I was told by a walking teddy bear that several intruders were waltzing about naked...I mean, they were waltzing about."

Mr. 1 let Mr. 2 down gently and said, "Looks like this is a job for me, guys."

"No, don't do this!" Mr. 2 begged. "We are just the best of friends, I can't stand you getting hurt."

"It will be alright, my friend."

"If you were to die...I can't imagine not seeing you ever again, friend."

"I'll make quick work of him and join you in arms, my friend."

"Oh, how I long to share a bed with you, my friend."

"He...what, my friend?"

"Nothing, my friend. Let's wear matching clothes that reveal our beautifully-shaved legs, my friend!"

Mr. 1 vs. Ryuuma, FIGHT!

"A+B=Up+Down!" Ryuuma announced, micking these movements. (Shaping the air with his sword into an A, a B, then slashing Mr. 1, then down.)

Mr. 1's steel body was no macth for Ryuuma's prowess with a sword.

"Mr. 1's hard body was no match for that man's mighty tool!" Mr. 1 commented. "Looks like Mr. 1 is going soft on us."

Have you seen those One Piece movies? Well, even though Miss DoubleD's wasn't moving, her breast seemed to have a life of their own and were bouncing. Just like Robin's were in one of the movies. It would be hot if it didn't look like horrible little demons were trying to escape from her chest and eat everyone. It was creepy.

"Why don't I fill in for Mr. 1" she commented.

"Go get him, Pamela!" Mr. 2 shouted.

"Paula."

"Sorry, Miss Anderson."

"Remind me to stab you in your sleep, my good okama."

"I'm used to people 'stabbing me' in bed, if you know what I mean!"

"Enough perversion," Robin said. "Go defeat Ryuuma and get this over with, Miss November."

Ignoring these decries, Miss DoubleD's lunged at Ryuuma with full force.

He hit her with the back of his sword and knocked her to the ground.

"Dear Pluton, you guys are pathetic," Robin told them. "No wonder Crocodile..."

Ryuuma watched as Robin and her gang vanished.

"...couldn't lead you; you were all too stupid."

"You're not very nice!" Mr. 2 snapped, holding Mr. 1 tight. He then gave Mr. 1 the kiss of life.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Mr. 1 snapped. "I love you and all, but I'm not ready to date?"

"Love?" Mr. 2 gasped. "I'm sorry, my friend, but I just don't feel the same way!"

"You...don't?"

"No, I only feel the Okama Way!"

"You broke my heart, my friend. Never talk to me again."

"You can write about it in your diary later," Robin snapped. "Look, where are we now?"

They were now in a wedding chapel. A large pig in a wedding dress and a man with a lion's maw were facing them.

"Well, look at this, Lola!" he told the pig. "Croco and Hogback were right about the intruders."

"Mr. 2," Lola said. "Absalom, see that okama? I was his partner, when I was alive and went by Miss Bon Clay."

"Crap!" Mr. 2 cried out. "Robin, save us, please!"

"No," Robin said weakly. "I...I don't know what to do! What should I do? What should I _do_?"

"I say we let the pig do away with Mr. 2 and run while they eat him," Mr. 1 said.

"Who're you calling a pig?" Lola screeched.

"Robin girl looks nice and weak," Absolom muttered. "And look at the body on her!"

"Don't count on it looking so great when I'm done with her!"

"And look at THAT GIRL!"

"Me?" Mr. 2 asked, an innocent smirk on his face.

"No! The girl with the giant trapezoids."

"Trapezoids?"

"My _name _is Paula," Miss DoubleD's coughed.

"What do we do now, Robin?" Mr. 5 asked her. "You're the boss, do something."

"You guys need to fly out of Mama's nest and learn to fend for yourselves," Robin said as she ran towards the nearest exit. "Good-bye, idiots."


	11. Chapter 9: Over The Edge!

Before she could leave, however, Crocodile burst through her exit and prevented her escape.

"Great success!" he declared. "Bet you didn't expect to see me."

Robin's eyes grew wide with shock. She cried out in surprise, "What are _you doing here? _You should still be in the castle, where he left you!"

"I turned into sand and trailed you guys. You see, I never deserted you guys like you deserted me."

"He cares so much about us!" Mr. 2 exclaimed. "Not like that _Robin_!"

"Hehe, _desert_."

"Yeah, were we really doing so bad with Sir Crocodile?" Mr. 1 pointed out. "I mean, his ideas, most of them, worked. And we had lots of fun and grew closer to one another."

"Get it? Because I can turn into sand."

The group conversed amongst themselves while Lola, Absalom, Croco and Robin just stared at one another in confusion.

"Alright, we decided," Mr. 1 announced.

"We want Croco as our leader again," Miss DoubleD's said.

Miss All Sunday sighed and said to Croco, "Fine, you're the right person to lead us."

"I am, aren't I?" Croco chuckled.

"Now please do away with those two and let's find a way home."

"First you got to apologize."

"What?"  
"Apologize for abandoning me."

"After what happened in the original story? After-"

"Shut up and apologize. Apologize and I will save you all, Miss All Sunday."

"..."

"Do it, lady!" Mr. 2 snapped.

"Fine. Crocodile, I am sorry for abandoning you."

"No, no, no!" Croco scolded her. "_Croco D. Ile, bella!_"

"Croco D. Ile."

"Now say that I am not only the best rapper you have ever seen, but I also the best lover you have ever had."

"I hate you so much right now."

"And that you write RobinxCrocodile fanfictions and put them online."

"I will _never _say that."

"Does he know about my fanfiction account?" Mr. 2 gasped. "Don't tell anyone about my Mr. 1 fics, Croco-kun!"

"Fine. Croco D. Ile, you are not only the best rapper I have ever seen, but also the best lover _you_ ever had."

"Aand?"

"...And I write fanfictions about us."

"Alright, troops, huddle up!"

After much discussion, Croco walked over to Absalom and Lola and said, "Alright, listen up! If you let us escape, we'll give you Miss DoubleD's in exchange."

"Deal!" Absalom screeched. "Which one is...oh, never mind, they're all beautiful!"

"Abby!" Lola said indignantly. "We're supposed to be married!"

"Lola, baby, show them all the door."

Lola swore under her breath and took our heroes out of the room, leaving Paula and Absalom alone.

"Well, what shall we do, girlie?" he asked her.

"Well, I'm really scared" she responded. "Thriller Bark is so scary. I could use a nice strong hug."

Absalom ran towards her and gave her a hug. He took the opportunity to rub his hands all over her back.

Then Miss DoubleD's activated her Devil Fruit power.

After a few minutes she joined her group. With her there, Lola felt much better kicking them far into the sky.

They landed infront of a large, evil-looking person in dark clothes. They were outside and somewhere on Thriller Bark. They were somewhere, and that's where they were.

"Hi," Mr. 1 said to the man.

"Hi back," he responded. "You zombies are getting much more life-like. Hogback works wonders, no?"

"I'm a zombie," Mr. 5 said.

"Except you. Anyway, how would you three like to meet my giant zombie...thing, Oars?"

"And be sacrificed in order to power Oars up?" Mr. 2 asked. "I've seen situations like this in movies, and no, sir!"

"Or it he called Oz? And no, I _will not_ sacrifice you all. Trust me."

"Hi, Gecko Moria," Croco said.

"Crocodile? How's the take-over of Alabasta going?"

"Not so good; a kid named Luffy came buy and ruined everything. I think you might like him."

"Oh, goodie!"  
"So I was becoming a music star when we got stuck in this program. Miss Valentine ran out of lives when she got eaten by a giant monkey-spider."

"Program? Hmm...Well, I know how you can escape!"

"Really? Tell me, Gecko."

"First, you let me take your shadow."

"Well, okay...Everyone, give Moria your shadows."

"Is he brain-damaged or something?" Moria whispered to the nearest person to him, Mr. 5.

"Probably," Mr. 5 said. "He's been like this for a long time. You saying he acted different?"

"I knew him long before fanfiction was put on the Internet. I knew him...in canon."

"I remember when we were canon, and not in bad fanfiction. Good times."

Mr. 1 and Mr. 2 were the first to obey their boss and offer up their shadows to Moria. Moria pulled out a pair of scissors and cackled.

"Wait!" Miss All Sunday screamed. "Croco, you're not serious about this, are you?"

"Of course I am, Robi~" Croco responded clearly."I trust my _old friend_."

"Really?"

"Look, how can you _not _trust him?"

Miss All Sunday looked at Gecko Moria: a sadistic grin on his face as he held up a pair of scissors in one hand, Mr. 1's shadow in another.  
"I don't feel so good..." Mr. 1 coughed.

"Tell me more about your feelings!" Gecko Moria said evilly. "Your inner pain is hilarious!"

"You saying you don't trust him, Miss All Sunday?" Croco asked her.

"No, I don't," Miss All Sunday responded. To Moria, she said, "Put him down! "

"Ah, do as she says, Moria."

Miss All Sunday gasped. Was Croco D. Ile, future rapping sensation, coming to his senses?

"And if I don't?" Moria cackled.

"Nothing."

Maybe not...

"Instead..." Croco said, pulling Mr. 2, Miss All Sunday and the rest of the group away into a corner.

"Oh?" Moria looked at them, confused.

Croco said, "We will offer you Miss DoubleD's as a sacrifice."

"Instead of all of you, I just get one?"

"Yes. Paula...?"

Miss DoubleD's gleefully jumped up towards Moria and lifted her top up.

Moria looked at her and dropped what was in his hands.

Mr. 1 fell to the ground and ran to his group.

"Hey!" Miss DoubleD's shouted out, coming out from behind Croco. "That wasn't part of the plan, Mr. 2!"

The Miss DoubleD's in front of Moria turned into Mr. 2 and said, "Oh, poo! Must you spoil all the fun!"

"Not funny!"

Moria let out a scream and swatted Mr. 2 away. He said, "I've been tricked! You'll pay for that, okama!"

"Pluton," Croco said.

Our heroes vanished from Moria's sight.

Croco and Miss All Sunday found themselves in front of three shrouded men on the beach.

"The summoning was successful!" one of them said.

"What did you do?" Miss All Sunday asked Croco.

He responded smugly, "Well, I figured out how to work this game. It's pretty obvious, hun."

"How?"

"You really haven't figured it out, huh?"

"Are you Satan?" one of the men asked.

"Oh, no! Cultists!" Croco gasped. "Robin, quick, we must sleep together! We won't make good virgin sacrifices if we're not virgins."

"I'd rather die," she responded. "Besides, we're not...you know. Remember that one money-making scheme? I have sand in places, _that gives me nightmares_."

"They don't know we're not virgins, _bella_. Just in case."

"We don't intend to sacrifice you two," one of the men said. "We summoned you to help us defeat the Longarm tribe."

Then the others fell to the ground.

"Took you long enough," Croco said to them.

"So will you all help us?" the three men asked in creepy unison.

"No," MIss All Sunday said immediately. "I am tired of this stupidity. Croco, if you can teleport us, can you bring us back to the base?"

"Home?" Croco asked. "I guess the base is home to us now."

"Croco is so wise!" Mr. 2 cackled.

"Alright. Every time we changed areas, we always said this _one _word."  
"And what word is this?" Miss All Sunday asked, intrigued.

"Pluton, of course! Didn't you notice us tele..."

Our heroes found themselves in Nefertari Cobra's palace.

"...port every time you said that word? I mean, it was totally obvious."

Pell appeared before them, in bird form and claws erect. He was flying towards them furiously.

"Crap crap crap crap crap!" Miss DoubleD's screamed. "Now what?"

"I had an idea!" Croco said deviously. "I saw it on Star Trek!"

Pell grabbed Mr. 5 and threw him far into the air before he could react.

"Computer..."

"Hurry up, he's coming back!" Miss All Sunday announced.

"I'm pausing for dramatic effect!"

Miss DoubleD's grew spikes all over her body, but Pell grabbed her by a spike coming from her head and threw her into parts unknown.

"Hurry up!" Miss All Sunday screeched. She was slowly being driven insane, she knew it!

Then she had an idea.

"Still pausing?" Mr. 2 asked Croco...just before Pell grabbed him.

Miss All Sunday spawned an arm on Pell's head and covered his eyes. With this distraction, she pulled out Lassou and shot Pell int he wing.

Pell let go and crashed into the floor, writhing in agony.

"Thanks, sweetie!" Mr. 2 said to Miss All Sunday.

"No problem," she responded. "Thought I could...make it up to you after all the work you guys did, putting up with my antics."

"Do you really mean it?"

"...Don't make me take it back."

"MISS ALL SUNDAY LIKES US!"

"I hate my life!"

"Computer, end program!" Croco said finally.

Miss All Sunday blinked and found herself in the middle of the stage.

She looked around: the room was exactly the way it was before they left. She was the only one in the room, besides Croco, who was entering right then.

"So it was all just a program?" Miss All Sunday asked. "Croco, you were right!"

"About what?" he asked, smiling. "About you being my arm candy? I know. About being a star? I know."

"No! About our whole little adventure in Thriller Bark and...and-and-and...PLUTON!"

"Eh, you know where Pluton is?"

Miss All Sunday ran towards the computer. A compact disc lay on the keyboard, the word "Pluton" inscribed on it.

"Oh, the video game," Croco said. "Yeah, Miss Wednesday suggested we buy it, before she tricked and left us."

"It was all so real!" Miss All Sunday shouted. "Croco, Sir! Was it all just a game, really? And how did you know?"

He put his hand on her shoulder and said, "Not as stupid as you think, eh? "

With his leather clothing stretched to the limit, it slowly started to fall apart before their very eyes.

"Couldn't handle all the running and movement we did!" Miss All Sunday said happily. "I didn't know leather could do that! But this means everything's true!"

Croco covered himself up and said, "Damn Mr. 4 and Miss Merry Christmas! Can't they do anything right?"

"It's not them, Sir! Don't you remember how you saved us from plummeting to our deaths? Our betrayal?"

"Betrayal? All Sunday, are you planning a revolution?"

"No, I just..."

Croco smiled. "I know," he said. And with that, he walked out of the room with the remainds of his clothes, dangling on his hook.

Miss All Sunday noticed she still had burns on her hands.

She saw her reflection on the computer screen and saw her blond hair.

She looked at the gun in her hand.

_Wait, was this real? Or was it a game? I can't tell...!_

In panic, she held the gun close to her and whimpered.

And then the gun went off.

...

. ...

...

...

"I'm sorry, Luffy," Chopper told his captain. "It doesn't look like Robin will be coming out of the coma any time soon."

"This is a bad week for Robin!" Franky weeped.

"Idiots...I'm surrounded by idiots!" Robin cried out in her sleep.

"What happened to her?" Nami asked.

"Overload of stupid," Chopper informed her. "You know what it's like being a smart person, yet surrounded by idiots and never being able to prove you are right and they are wrong? Do you know how frustrating it is to be surrounded by that all the time?"

Sanji lifted Robin's hand, kissed it and said, "Robin-chan, this is your prince. Will a kiss from your prince wake you up, my dear?"

Chopper went on, "She's been mentally abused by idiots for so long, possibly since her work with Crocodile. Her mind couldn't process it all anymore and it shut down."

"Well, we're going to keep her here until she recovers!" Luffy said enthusiastically. "I_ know _she can pull through!"

"And if she doesn't, we can set her body on fire and dump her in a hole." Zoro said. "It's what a girl like Robin would've wanted.

"Is this real?" Robin asked, mumbling in her sleep. "Or is it a game? Damn you, you're all idiots! Croco D. Ile...I hate you!"


	12. Chapter 0: Wrapping Up, Crocodile

Croco D. Ile, future rapping sensation, stood in front of the cameras as Miss Doublefinger and Miss Valentine danced in the background.

He began to sing:

_"My name is WHAT!_

_My name is WHO!_

_My name is C-C-C-C-CROCODILE!_

_The guy with the smile!_

_It may take me a while,_

_But I know what to do_

_To make a pretty girl just smile!_

_It may take me a while!_

_I can make you smile!_

_When a lady sees me she gets all hot._

_Then we go to bed and we sit on a cot!_

_C-C-C-C-CROCODILE!_

_It may take me a while!_

_But I can make her smile!_

_I get her alone_

_And then I show my fangs_

_That's when I bite,_

_But she gets the pangs!_

_C-C-C-C-CROCODILE!_

_C-C-C-C-CROCODILE!_

_C TO THE R TO THE ODILE TO THE_

_UH..._

_UH..._

_C-C-C-C-CRODODILE!"_

The music ended and fireworks shot above him. The girls behind him were him by them and caught on fire.

Crocodile winked at the camera, blew a kiss and said, "Hope you enjoyed our adventures more than we did. And to make sure _everyone _had a good time..."

The Strawhats all walked on-stage, along with all the members of Baroque Works. They all stripped naked and danced.

"Everybody loves a sexy party!" Naked!Crocodile screeched.

Naked!Robin stopped dancing and sighed.

What do you say, guys? Throw her a bone for all she endured.

Suddenly, for no reason at all, the Great Truth about the Void Century appeared before her in the form of a fortune in a cookie. She opened the cookie and read:

"The Great Truth: Everyone was on vacation, learning how to make brownies."

Lassou barked.

"I hate fanfiction," Robin said.

Several weeks later...

"I can't believe it!" Crocodile snapped, slamming newspaper into the table.

"What is it, Croco D. Ile?" Doflamingo asked him, a smirk on his face.

"Never call me that again."

"But whyyyyyyyyyyy?"

"Because my new came in _second_! And do you know who came in first?"

"Oh! Who?"

"The Artist Formerly Known As Mr. Prince. 'Chichi Wo Moge' is in third, but his song, 'Panties And Ruining Crocodile's Life,' is already a hit sensation, coming in first!"

"Hey, that song is on the radio!" With that, Doflamingo turned on the radio and turned to Y.A.O.I., the LOLLY CHANNEL. Sure enough, 'Panties And Ruining Crocodile's Life' was on the radio. Doflamingo put it at full volume.

"How did you know it was on?"

Doflamingo winked, clicked his tongue and said, "It's on every station right now! It's such a big hit, practically _everybody _in the Grand Line is singing it!"

Crocodile felt like crying. His plan failed! AGAIN, Mr. Prince won!

"A place in East Blue is dedicating a building to Mr. Prince for his inspirational lyrics!" Doflamingo said. "His sensational lyrics have inspired so many people to help those suffering in Alabasta. I heard he'd be rolling in dough..."

_Then maybe I can track him down when he gets payed! _Crocodile thought. _I'll find out from his label where he lives, deliver the money to him and strike!_

"...Too bad he wants to remain anonymous!"


End file.
